I had a date that morning with Janet Foster, and I had stayed late with her talking about what would happen when I had to return to school. For some r...ason, I figured that she could give me the best advice on how I could keep my customers satisfied during the school year. She agreed with me that most women would be able to shift to an afternoon schedule, but she had no better ideas than me on what to do about the dates with high school girls.I knew that this was Mom's day to take off early from. I was supposed to hand her to Beth and then play proud papa. After several minutes the nurse had to remind me to give the baby to Beth; I didn't want to let her go.I know that if you put your finger in a baby's hand that the baby will grasp your finger, it's a natural reflex for babies. But when Alyssa held on to my finger, I was hooked. That inconsequential little reflex bound me to her for the rest of my life. My heart swelled, I got tears in my eyes, and I lost my voice. Beth beamed at my. I made a pact with myself and decided that when I got released from this hospital that I would do everything possible to find her. I don’t care if I had to start from scratch and go back to California and get every lead I could. Even if she rejected me, I needed to see her face to face one more time and tell her how wrong I was and how much I loved her. I even told my mom about dating Marie (but of course not about her being an escort) and how I missed her. Mom told me she knew I had a problem. You know so much, and yet I feel it is because I can confide in you that I push the limits of morality. To what end does this stop? Are you destined to find your way into the hands of those who would ruin me? Or perhaps I am to go on in this fashion forever, going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. It really doesn't matter, does it? No matter the outcome, it is clear at this point, that I won't stop. I cant. Three years, Three long years, I have lingered in the mundane. living in the.
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