I could have stopped at just wearingpanties, stockings and suspenders and a miniskirt. At least I like tothink I could have.But could I?There's a son... by Leonard Cohen called "Everybody knows". It begins with"Everybody knows that the dice are loaded..." and it was true I knew thatgambling was a scam which always favoured the house but I was sure ofmyself. It wasn't possible that I could fit into Rita's stockings,suspenders, panties and skirt (yet here I stood wearing them). She wassmaller. It's like before any of this happened, I didn't have to think about being happy. It just happened."Amanda let out a small, sympathetic sigh and squeezed Sirinna's hand again."Do you see what I mean, Amanda? It's like I have to work at being happy. I have to remind myself that I have it good here, that I have everything I want. Only ... only it's like I don't, but I have to think that anyway. This is not making any sense, is it?"Amanda's eyes glistened. She shoved the tray aside and pulled. Gavin, her stepdad, walks in. “Ray I want a word.” I stand up silently. Lacey looks at me, smiles reassuringly, and moves to get up with me. “Uh hem, I want to speak to him alone” says Gavin. I barely hear Lacey’s muffled protest as the door swings shut behind me. Gavin turns around and looks at me. I meet his gaze. I knew this moment was coming. Lacey had warned me. I wasn’t about to show any weakness. As the seconds threatened to turn to minutes he begins to speak. “I don’t have a problem. Yes, there is no mistake. It's not merely her, but Her with a capital letter, a hasted breathing and a sweet pain somewhere in the chest almost to the point of fainting. Doe. The mere name raised my spirits. I'm not going to tell you what she looked like or what character she had. Imagine the perfect girl of your dreams, not those cheap sleazy dreams you have about buxom blondes and foxy teens, but the high and sacred ones, which you keep deep inside and would never reveal to anybody. Then.
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