They told me I’m not allowed to have friends, you see. I shouldn’t have had the phone on, but I’m so used to never getting anything, I didn’t ...hink to switch it off.”Wonderful. I had caused it. No, that was just the same flawed thinking she was using. What Clara had done was no-one else’s fault. Still, without me none of this may have happened.“Well, done is done”, I said. “I’m sorry, I screwed up too. I should have known you needed my help. We’ll just have to do better, ok?”“Do better?” she. These things only fueled my porn/masturbating drive. If I wasn't at school or work, I was masturbating. The more I masturbated, the more "creative" I got. At the time, I thought it was a great idea using a plastic golf tube, a rubber washer, electrical tape, and a condom. I put electrical tape over one end of the tube. Then I cut the back of the rubber washer to fit perfectly over the rounded end of the golf tube. I put the tube under my mattress and up against the wall on the other side. My. Thinking back to the other guys she had been with made her want to return to that time. Perhaps she could take herself to another place in her mind, so that this experience wouldn't be as grueling as she knew it was going to be. She remembered back a couple of years, when she and James Lanston were in the backseat of his car. At that moment in time, she hadn't had a lot of experience sexually, but she thought James was the love of her life and she couldn't resist. His lips touched every part of. The quiet and remoteness wasn’t a negative to me; it was what I was looking for. And, yes, that small town was a big change from Chicago but with the internet why did I need to be near my publisher or agent? I didn’t. And, I had become convinced the big city had drained my soul and heart and that was the source of my failure in the last few novels. I needed a change … I needed a big change.* * * *I bought the house and moved before the sale of my Chicago downtown condo was finalized. It.
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