The three of us, Mom, June, and I had agreed never to talk about it, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. For seven years I had kept the secret, an... my personal life has been suffering as a result.Now at twenty-one I live alone and don't get out much. What few friends I have are worried about me and even I know something has to change. I think about it constantly, though with time some of my memories have faded. Some appear to me cloudy and just out of focus, probably for the best. One in. . with a little help from my wonderful sisters."Mom went up to her room to change while I went out back to get the grill going. I stopped along the way to turn the slaw in its bowl. I asked Bea to bring me the hamburger patties in three minutes. I turned the grill on high, and brushed the top again, making sure it was clean. Bea came out with a plate with the patties and a plate with the cheese slices on it. I went back to cooking supper for us and let my mind drift some. What did I want to. We left the car parked out of the way and started walking. We would have to walk a mile or more to reach an observation point. Everyone had earphones and throat mikes on their radios. We agreed to only radio important information and when we were at our vantage points. I had heard Bennie report that he and his father were on point in back. Just after we exited the car, Shirley checked in that she and Mike were in position across the road in front. I then reported that we were now on foot moving. It was as if I knew what I ought to do,but did it with far greater difficulty than 'normal' people. Myconsciousness simply didn't run properly on my faulty human hardware...but if I made a real effort, I could get by. Sort of."Even at its best, the kind of help you can get wouldn't be great. Imean, to have a series of painful surgeries and take a cocktail of drugsthat shorten your life expectancy, all to make you into a crude semblanceof a woman? It's a pretty shitty solution, quite frankly....
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